With the sudden passing of the King of Pop recently, many have scribed emotional tributes to Michael Jackson. To a lesser extent, a lot of reminiscing has been done regarding the Jackson 5 and their place in music/entertainment history. I’m taking a different approach today. I’m going to outline the Jackson 5 of the NBA that just don’t cut it in my eyes. These “Jacksons” have not only been judged here by their play, but their overall behavior and standing amongst the NBA community… In my humble opinion of course.

All-Average Jacksons

1) Mark Jackson (Notables: New York Knicks, LA Clippers, Indiana Pacers and currently a “color commentator” for TNT)

The man makes me cringe. I guess it all started for me when he got dunked on by Tom Chambers in the late 80’s. That in itself is one of the most embarrassing/entertaining moments in NBA history. Whilst his teamwork with the Ron Harper’d Clippers and Reggie Miller’d Pacers was a great time to be a Basketball fan, I can’t help but feel as though he passed through the NBA without really making me feel anything… the crossing of the arms after every made basket in the 2000 Finals was respected by most but almost unbearable after the 20th time.

Now that Mark is a color commentator for TNT, I am faced with a massive problem. I’m not getting as much NBA as I used to. Infact, I’m being taxed by TNT and I’m not happy. How you ask? Well, thanks to Mr Jackson’s “colorful” technique for throwing to commercial, I have to get out of my seat and take a walk that little bit earlier than the average fan. It makes my skin crawl! So when players cross half-court and call for time… I’m gone. “Mama there goes that MAN” just ISN’T COOL ANYMORE! Quit it! Please do NOT bring that back this season… I beg you!

You’re in the team Mr Jackson.. and we’ve made you Captain.

2) Stephen Jackson (Notables: San Antonio Spurs, Indiana Pacers and currently playing for/leaving the Golden State Warriors)

Who does this guy think he is? Not only is he a proven thug, (just take a look at his and Jermaine O’Neal’s work in the 2004 Palace brawl) but he’s a selfish thug that cannot be bothered hanging around in Oakland. One thing to remember here is that the Warriors just recently signed him to a 3-year $28m extension last November! Way to pay the Warriors back for securing your financial future Mr Jackson. What a joke! I’m sure the Warriors could have let Jackson walk and if he signed with his desired “contender” he surely wouldn’t have got the same money… nor the opportunity last season to prove such false worth.

Average effort Mr Jackson… You’re on the team, and you’re the Vice Captain.

3) Jaren Jackson (Notable: San Antonio Spurs)

“Jaren Jackson… what were you THINKING?”. Those were the famous words commentated when Kobe Bryant dunked on Jaren Jackson in the 2001 Playoffs. Good times. Welcome to the team Mr Jackson.

4) Marc Jackson (Notables: Finished NBA career at New Orleans in 2007 and now playing in Russia for UNICS Kazan)

This particular Mr Jackson earned $24.6m over his time in the League. Wow, talk about five teams all wanting their money back. I guess it pays to be big sometimes. And what did he contribute? 8.4ppg and 4.3rpg. Amazing…  Mike Myers and Verne Troyer could have achieved those sort of stats with the Austin Powers trench-coat double act for $24.6m!!

You make the team Mr Jackson. Have fun in Russia. We’ll need you back by Friday for the team photo.

5) Jim Jackson (Notables: Dallas Mavericks, then eleven more teams over the next 9 years… ouch…)

Two words… Toni Braxton. I loved those circa 1994 Mavericks and you went and ruined it with your friends Jamal and Jason. I don’t know who was hooked up with her first but their names aren’t Jackson, so you have to wear it! You guys had a great team going on and then screwed it all up. A lot of NBA fans were looking for a new favorite team back in ‘94 once MJ hit the diamond. Oh and how the Mavs’ share price would’ve risen if you guys had brought the noise all the way to the Finals! So much so that Mark Cuban wouldn’t have bought majority share of the franchise in 2000.

Mr Jackson, you owe a lot of people a big apology. Especially… well, everywhere.

So there you have it, my All-Average Jackson 5.