Every true fan of the NBA has two things marked on their calendar for February every year. One is the trade deadline and the other is the Slam Dunk Contest during All-Star Weekend. This year’s Sprite NBA Slam Dunk Contest was the worst of all-time. This is in no way an over-statement. The dunks performed by Los Angeles Lakers guard Shannon Brown and Charlotte Hornets forward Gerald Wallace were average at best. In fact, Wallace looked as though he was completely dis-interested in the entire event.

DeMar DeRozan executed a really nice windmill dunk in the first round. Trailing behind teammate Sonny Weems along the baseline, DeRozan caught a lob pass off the side of the backboard and threw down the windmill for the contest’s only 50. Nate Robinson did what he does best… a 20ft high lob, two-foot takeoff, catch and finish. But c’mon, this had no energizing feeling, no suspense, in fact really no presence at all. Even Kenny, Charles and company on TNT were declaring the competition a yawn-fest after the first round.

Smile! You may have just killed the Dunk Contest!

I have to be especially critical of Nate Robinson. While he executed dunks in far less time than in his past years and simply did enough to win, he once again brought nothing new to the table. He didn’t earn this win, he was simply up against a wide-eyed and unprepared rookie, a half-asleep Bobcat veteran with eyes on an All-Star Game appearance and an LA Laker who was just simply disappointing and far too indecisive. There was absolutely NO ENERGY in this contest at all. There was no rivalry, no suspense and seemingly no real sense of urgency to beat a rookie Toronto Raptor in the final round.

I’d also like to bring everyone’s attention to judges Mark Aguirre, Rolando Blackman and Derek Harper who were great members of the Dallas Mavericks organisation, but never really set a crowd on fire by dunking the Basketball. Dominique Wilkins and Spud Webb were obviously chosen due to their battle in the 1986 contest in Dallas’ last turn at hosting the All Star Weekend.

In a time where fans should have far less digital influence on the game, (i.e. All Star participant voting) I found it gut-wrenchingly awkward that the final score was displayed as a 51-49 percent win to Robinson. Only the story of a 3-time champion could save this from ending in some sort of mass-suicide by most of the paid-up patrons and NBA officials alike.

Even Dikembe Mutombo would’ve sat motionless during this contest.

What really caught my attention though was Robinson’s post-debacle comment to Cheryl Miller. He mentioned that “they” didn’t allow the use of any props this year.

What the eff? And who is “they”?

One can only assume he meant the NBA in general but surely even they are not silly enough to not realise the reality here. The main catalyst to the re-discovered excitement and drama of the Slam Dunk Contest over the past couple of years has been the use of props and storylines. Why the hell couldn’t the players use props??

This is the only prop Nate Robinson got to jump over last night...

Another question I have is when were the players notified of this “rule”?? I mean, judging by the quality, (or lack thereof) of the dunks performed, I’m guessing they were told less than a week ago and had prepared absolutely nothing else at all.

With David Stern’s comments over the weekend regarding the NBA’s likelihood of posting a $400m loss this season, is it possible the NBA just simply cannot afford a fake phone booth prop, a mask or even another cupcake? I mean really… How much does the guy who brings out the 12 foot hoop actually charge per hour?

I want to see Nicholas Batum dressed up like Bat-Man, I want to see Andre Iguodala in an afro wig re-create Doctor J’s brilliance, I want to see a 13ft hoop, I want to see two designated “Dunk Captains” choose their respective “Dunk Squads” and go at it, I want to see the established stars team up with the young blood to raise the roof off the stadium!

Nate Robinson and Dwight Howard had truly started/resurrected something “super”  over the past couple of years and tonight the whole concept took a monumental step backwards.

Whoever is ultimately responsible for this has done every NBA fan a huge dis-service. Cross the Dunk Contest off your calendar for next February. It seems the only thing that could save it at this point is a visit by a certain Cleveland Cavalier.

PS – LeBron, don’t make promises you can’t keep.